


hope we always feel like (home)

by kaipou



Category: NCT
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Drama, F/M, Friendship, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-21
Updated: 2019-01-02
Packaged: 2019-09-24 01:19:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17091377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaipou/pseuds/kaipou
Summary: Jeno asked for a breakup. Jaemin just wasn't ready to accept it.Haechan and Mark admitted liking each other. However, they still haven't said, "I like you."





	1. come and haunt me

When Jaemin had noticed the message staring back at him, impassive yet aching words stringed together. “I want to break up.” seemed simple, almost too easy to write as if you couldn’t register what the other person might have felt. Jaemin loved him too much, to barely hold his tears in and pretend like everything was okay within them. Just on the verge of being fine, he convinced himself.

They could just gallop over the line and arrange everything. Only if Jaemin knew where to find him and could beg him to stay.

“So, everything is just over?” Haechan asked over a cup of latte while Jaemin had finished quite a few Americano. Coffee was akin to alcohol for Jaemin, bitter drink to forget your knot of thoughts for a while. 

“Yeah, it is.” Jaemin chuckled bitterly while hugging his arms. He looked burned to the core, tears accumulated on his eyes brims and quivering lips pursed into a thin line. Haechan couldn’t collect what to say to the vulnerable boy in front of him, everything seemed snatched from him. Haechan licked his lips for the nth time before deciding he should be better off not saying anything at all because his words could turn to triggers for all he knows.

“When he sent me that message, it was almost like asking to sign a divorce paper.” Jaemin continued after which he took a sip of the coffee. “I didn’t know what to do, where to find him. I ran to his apartment only to find him not there and…everything just feel apart. I didn’t want to answer that message because it seemed too easy to give in. I don’t want to give in.” Tears spilled and mixed with the coffee stains on the table. 

Haechan sighed and held Jaemin’s hand. He patted it, without nay words to calm him down because he knew it won’t do a penny. All Jaemin needed was a shoulder to cry on and he was there. He decided to drop by Jeno’s apartment later on after acquiring the address from Mark.but before he could even call Mark, Jaemin stopped him to it.

“Don’t even think about seeing Jeno. Being around him for like years, he sure is stubborn so the matters will just get complicated.” Jaemin assured Haechan with a strained beam, “I’m fine, okay? Let some days go by…and I’m sure things will return just the way it was.” 

Haechan couldn’t help but feel unconvinced. They left the cafe after a few minutes. Jaemin stopped crying and talked about normal things and asked about things he had been missing out on after spending cooped up in his apartment. Haechan was not glad that Jaemin was strong enough to put on a facade that everything was just the usual because it surely wasn’t. By the drooped eyelids of his and the drooped shoulders, the occasional sighs and taut lips, it could be easily seen Jaemin was breaking inside.

“i am worried about Jaemin. He is being all superman about it, but I know he is just shattered. Don’t you think we should try and do something?”

Haechan pulled his benumbed arms from his padded jacket, expecting an answer from Mark, who crunched on some crisps. Mark looked at him, impassive and returned to stuff some more. With muffled crunch, he said,

“Stop being a worry wart. They are adults and they can solve it on their own, for all I know. When did you become such a mom?” Mark acted rather nonchalant about the whole matter. Although, he didn’t like the attitude Mark had about the whole matter, he reckoned that the whole matter was something between two grown adults and they could actually solve it. 

“I am not being a mom, just…”Haechan shrugged, “I don’t know. I can’t help it.”

Mark smiled and patted the seat beside him on the couch. Haechan gladly rested there, leaning a little on Mark’s shoulder. Mark continued crunching loudly and for that Haechan pinched his wrists and didn’t retract anyway. Haechan took a fistful and munched on the salty treat.

“Those are my chips. How dare you take some off mine? Go, help yourself from the kitchen. Geez.” Mark muttered. Haechan grinned and took some more from the bowl and devoured it with a ‘hmm~’  
“What’s yours is mine, sweetheart. If you want, you can just rent another apartment for you and your chips.”

Mark furrowed his brows and kept the bowl on the table. With another warning, he pounced on Haechan, lightly punching his upper arms. Haechan, on return, tickled his sides until Mark was under Haechan, wheezing and yelling ‘stop it’. Inadvertently, Haechan hoisted Mark’s arms above his head and pinned it with his right while tickling with his left. They laughed until they realized the awkward position they were in. They stared at each other for a minute, both of their hearts running fast.

“Wanna watch a movie?” Mark interrupted the silence while Haechan slowly released his clutch and returned his seat. Haechan face was burning crimson while he poked around his cuticles. He didn’t reply but Mark left the couch and crouched down in front of the TV, choosing a DVD.

“Hey, Mark.” Mark didn’t glance back as he was concentrated on the synopsis written on every DVD. “Renjun returned from China yesterday and he wanted to meet me tomorrow. So I’ll be back late. You want something from ‘Corners’?”

“Get me something delicious. Like, meatballs.” Haechan noticed the disappointment underlying Mark’s tone but he guessed it might be just his ‘I-don’t-like-that-exchange-guy’ thing. Mark claimed he didn’t like Renjun because he glared at him at the cafeteria while he sipped on banana milk. 

“Like he was judging because I was drinking banana milk. It is my own preference, excuse me.”

But the reason Renjun was glaring was just a whole another.

“I was glaring because he wore a blue hoodie over a orange t-shirt. Fashion, much?” 

Okay, it might be the same reason, Haechan admitted. But after that, Mark grew a little weary of Renjun and just shrugged whenever Haechan talked about him. 

\----  
Jaemin was completing his procrastinated work from school, when his cell phone buzzed. He swiped the screen open only to see a message from Jeno.

“You can take your stuff from my home. My room is cluttered.”

Jaemin closed off the phone and sighed deep. He might have to procrastinate his work a little longer and perhaps dry it too, since he was wailing heavily and drenching the papers beneath. He couldn’t bear the loneliness that engulfed him in the silence of his apartment. There was none to coax him, except himself, that everything will be fine.

But, nothing was.

Jaemin switched off his phone and laid down on his bed, staring off the ceiling. He thought of nothing yet everything that included Jeno, his cute cats, their relationship and just everything they had. But it all evaporated to the ache in his heart in a matter of seconds after his phone rung with the message he dreaded the most.

He sighed. He noticed how Jeno had been acting up since the day when he told he was going to meet up someone from his town. It was his friend, perhaps so Jaemin did not question further. The next day, Jeno looked sullen and ticked off at each thing Jaemin did. He did not at all return to his apartment and the latter stayed up the whole night waiting for him. He did not come and continued the spree for the next few days. Until that morning, he called quits whilst Jaemin did not know how to move on yet.

He deemed it would be alright if he went to Jeno’s the next next day. He wanted time to cope up and prepare himself to face Jeno. When Jaemin finally fell asleep on drenched pillow of his own tears, he couldn’t help but dream about old days. When they were there, they were happy and in love.


	2. look back at me once you are gone

Jaemin did rush to Jeno’s house the day right after because he couldn’t wait. He couldn’t wait until it was sorted out and Jeno was him again. Even if he had to beg. So he stood, his legs awfully tired after climbing up the mountain of the stairs, waiting for Jeno to open the door and welcome him in. Jeno did after a while, his face impassive as he let him in.

 

“Your things are arranged there. It would be best if you could leave early.” Jeno rested his back against the door and crossed his arms against his chest, staring at Jaemin with unemotional eyes. Jaemin sighed and inched a little closer, his footsteps slit through the nerving silence.

 

“Is it something I did?” Jaemin muttered, while he tottered a little closer. But he was stopped mid-way when Jeno craned his face away from him, heaving deeply.

 

“It was something I did, Jaemin and-” Jeno deadpanned, his nails tapping against the door frame.

 

“well, I can see what I can-”

 

“Jaemin, I cheated on you. What more you can do about it?” Jeno screeched leaving Jaemin dumbfound. A bitter chuckle left the latter’s mouth as tears accumulated at the corner’s of his eyes. He tried so hard not to break down. At least, not that day.

 

“You cheated on me?” Jaemin snorted, “You are lying, Jeno. I have known you for like years.” But the strained expression that Jeno had painted, was a proof that he wasn’t. Jeno passed him by, without a word and closed the door of his room. Jaemin was left alone in the spacious living room with nothing but betrayal left to shoulder. He picked himself up, supporting himself with quivering legs and tea stained visage.

 

Jeno had the things stuffed inside Jaemin’s beige duffle bag, which was zipped closed halfway. He slung the bag over his shoulder, nonchalant about the things that were inside the bag. He tried to convince himself, that the image that Jeno had painted himself of, was a lie. But perhaps, it wasn’t. When he closed the main door behind him, he might have heard the Jeno’s room cringing open and sniffles that belonged to that particular.

 

When Jaemin returned home, he found himself opening his bag. It was full of his clothes, some that belonged to Jeno ( which he frequently wore) and other toiletries belonging to him. H e arrange those around his apartment, which seemed like a stranger to him. The mirror which reflected of him didn’t even seem like him. It only had the image of the heartbroken him, the one who was only half-alive. Jaemin rummage the side-bag, finding a cassette that had the records of their favorite songs in one. He loaded the song in his cassette player, pushing play. The song, ‘Flash’, was played by Cigarettes After, but surprisingly he didn’t weep while he listened. He smiled fondly as he reminisced those memories of them, fingers interlocked and head against shoulder.

 

He didn’t know how to give up. But he could learn, probably.

 

Jaemin left the bag hanging on his closet, the photo that slipped form the side-pocket unnoticed. Clothes were piled above it, the words scribbled on the piece of photo forgotten.

 

_“I’m sorry. You will always be my white swan.”_

Jaemin was always his white swan, without doubt. Because when Jeno cried to himself alone, inside his room, holding the one sentiment he couldn’t return back to Jaemin.

 

\-----

Jaemin called to Haechan, particularly cheery. Haechan noticed the overly fake tone that the other carried but he tried not to mention it.

 

“So, can I hang out with you today?” Jaemin said, sitting casually on his chair as his assignment paper were sprawled on his desk. It was incomplete still, but Jaemin lost all his motivation to complete it.

 

Haechan turned him, disappointingly. “I have someone to meet. You know, the guy I had to do my project with last year…”

 

“Renjun, the exchange guy?” Jaemin asked, unsure.

 

“Yeah, that guy. He returned from his home town and invited me to this cafe. I guess I have to discard our meet-up.”

 

“Oh, it’s fine.” Jaemin brushed it off. “I have assignments chasing after me. I guess it gives a chance for a nice bonding time with my studies.”

 

“Yeah, do that. I will catch up with you, tomorrow?” Haechan asked, while he adorned the coat over him, a beret sitting on his head.

 

“Tomorrow, it is.” Jaemin hung up the call without hearing the greeting on the other line. He stared at the confusing words that were looking back at him. He tightly smiled and uttered, “It’s just you and me form now on.” He sighed after a while, “Let’s do better.”

 

\-----

 

Haechan met up with Renjun in the same cafe that he came before with Jaemin. While he talked with Renjun, his mind trailed to the tired voice Jaemin had during the call.

 

“Haechan, you seem out of it?” Renjun clicked his fingers in front of Haechan’s unfocused expression.

 

“Oh, I was thinking about something else. Continue what you were saying.” Haechan encouraged him with a pat on his hand. Renjun shrugged it off, excusing it was nothing important.

 

“So what or who has wrapped your mind around their fingers?” Renjun wriggled his eyebrows, with a smirk hovering his lips.

 

“No, it’s just that…” Haechan sighed, “Jaemin and Jeno had broken up. I don’t think they are not sure about it, really. It’s just one of their childish disputes, for all I know.”

 

“They have broken up...” Renjun muttered suddenly pulling Haechan out of his trance. Haechan knitted his eyebrows, confused.

 

“Uh..sorry. I didn’t mean that.” Renjun laughed it off, relaxing Haechan. Haechan took a sip of his warm hot chocolate as Renjun asked about Mark’s whereabouts.

 

“Mark is fine. He is fine. We are not exclusive, but we are fine. We confessed everything. We are fine.”

 

“That was a lot of ‘fines’ seriously. You two like each other but you are not in relationship?” Renjun cackled for a while. “How does that work?”

 

“I don’t know.” Haechan took another sip while Renjun’s phone buzzed, alarming that he had a text. Renjun took a glance and his face contorted into something unreadable.

 

“Can we continue this another day? I have an urgency to attend to.” Renjun excused himself and Haechan let him go. Renjun stepped out of the cafe, his stance surprisingly caught in a frantic. He looked right to left before he jogged towards the left. Haechan observed Renjun for a minute, smiling to himself.

 

He was about to leave but he thought to call Jaemin up. Jaemin didn’t really receive his call so Haechan didn’t prod much into it. He later called up Mark, who surprisingly had his phone switched of. So he thought better of it and left.

 

While he walked along the streets, maneuvering his way thought the crowd, he might have noticed someone. The two were in a heated discussion about something, both of them leaning against the wall as they talked. Haechan wandered his eyes along the shops that stood there as he tried to grasp the idea why they were they were there in the first place. The bakery shops didn’t reveal much and neither did the agency that stood erect beside it, so he swiftly camouflaged in the crowd not to get caught. He passed by them, scrutinizing them as he did.

 

_What are Jeno and Renjun doing together?_


	3. i cant make you love me

Mark was not at home while Haechan returned. So he didn’t mind the silence offered by the empty apartment as he opted for a warm tea in hand. He didn’t like tea to be honest, but it was a pretty healthy replacement for the cans of coke the fridge seemed to be emptied of. Mark arrived a while later, tired and exhausted.

 

“Oh, you are home?” Mark asked, hiding something behind him. Mark was taken back, noticing that Haechan had arrived earlier than expected.

 

“Renjun had to take off for some reason.” Haechan squeezed his eyes into thin slits, “What are those behind your back?”

 

“Nothing. Nothing that you should worry about.” Mark’s smile quivered a bit and when he realized that he couldn’t hold it in him any more, he took off giggling. Haechan cackled behind him, hollering a ,”Well, that makes me more curious. And a curious me is not a good idea!”

 

“Do whatever you can, Haechan.” Mark screeched back, behind the shut doors. He thought, over Renjun’s words, “ _ _You two like each other but you are not in a relationship. How does that work?__ ” He honestly didn’t know but those minuscule moments of his with Mark,made up for everything. Those insecurities and everything that came along with it.

 

A while later they both set up the dining table, and sat down for dinner. The scenery he caught that evening still wounded up Haechan’s mind, bugging him in every activity he wanted to do so he thought it would be better if he told someone. That someone being Mark, obviously.

 

“Mark, I kind of have something-” Haechan was interrupted when Mark’s phone buzzed with a text on which Mark quickly threw a glance and shove it in his trousers.. Mark quickly smiled and waved his spoon for Haechan to continue.

 

“As I was saying, I saw Jeno and Renjun hanging out today. I mean they don’t even know each other…”

 

Mark nodded with mouth full of rice. He gulped it, scrunching his face as he did so. Haechan could not help but coo because of Mark’s inadvertent adorableness.

 

“They are flatmates? They lived side by side in that apartment for a year or so.. You visited Renjun during your project thing, right?” Mark asked while some rice grains were spitted, which were cleaned eventually by the tissue that Haechan lent.

 

“They do…” Haechan trialed off, thinking about it, “I did visit Renjun but I had no idea where Jeno lived since he only changed his apartment just months ago. Never knew they lived together. Sort of together.” Haechan shrugged.

 

“Yeah. Funny how coincidence plays out, huh?” Mark laughed, playing around with the left out gravy in his plate. Haechan slapped his hand, shaking his head. “Don’t play with leftovers.” Mark mocked him with ugly grin, but Haechan left him to be anyways.

 

“Funny how everything lays out in the end. Who knew we would someday con-” Haechan couldn’t say anything anymore, as Mark’s chair screeched and Mark was leaving the table before he knew it. It always happened like that, Haechan wanted to talk about, bringing it up in all chance he got but Mark brushed it off. Every single time.

 

Haechan sighed and organized the dinning table,putting the dirty dishes in the sink to clean it off. It was Haechan’s cleaning day so it was his duty to clean the dorm, dishes, rooms and even the bathrooms. Mark disappeared into his room only to come out with a wrapped up box.

 

The latter placed the box on the table, and muttered an inaudible, ‘for you’ and hopped back to his room and shutting the door behind him. Haechan left the dishes in the sink and slowly strode over to the table, caressing the box in his hand. Unwrapping the box, he found a small box of chocolates and small card attached on the top.

 

__“Merry Christmas.”_ _

 

He popped one in his mouth, smiling slightly and blowing a small word of gratefulness to the air. He might have heard a ‘welcome’ hollered form the other side of the closed door.

 

\-----

“Oh, Jaemin. Hi.” Haechan jogged over to Jaemin, who was leaning against a wall, scanning his phone screen ,concentrated. He wore a tight skinny jeans, with his white full-sleeved t-shirt tucked in and his hair a new colour of auburn. It seemed the overly bright young boy with bubble pink hair was lost to the person who deemed to love him the most. Jeno only left a skeleton, another soul for the world to see.

 

Jaemin nodded and buried the phone in his pan pockets. He patted Haechan’s shoulders, beaming widely. It was so fake that it almost seemed sincere. Haechan didn’t know what to say so he opted for recent activities he was up to. Or the gift Mark had recently gifted him, it didn’t matter.

 

“Yeah. That chocolate. Mark said you liked and he wanted to buy it. So I suggested him to wrap it in paper and gift it to you for Christmas.” Jaemin smiled, wrapping his arms around Haechan's shoulders. He craned his neck to look at Haechan, eyes empty of anything. Just sorrow floating there in his pupils just like that. Haechan couldn’t bear it anymore, the names almost slipping form the tip of his tongue.

 

“Did you like the gift-”

 

“I kinda saw Jeno and Renjun hanging out together.” Haechan blurted out, cursing himself internally. Haechan saw Jaemin’s face morph to something before relaxing. It was visible, how Jaemin’s heart broke inside. Jaemin brushed the matter off with a quivering smile.

 

“So did you like the gift?” Jaemin asked again. Haechan couldn’t remember where he had seen such a expression but however that certain painfully wrenched visage was etched in his mind. Even after Jaemin left him, lost in the crowd of students, Haechan couldn’t forget it.

 

Jaemin said that he was going to class but Haechan noticed how Jaemin never left for the class. But rather, he walked slowly towards the washroom, wiping his face with the end of his sleeves.


	4. when you go away, i still see you

Jaemin’s limbs felt overly weak, as if standing on an iceberg, when he reached the washroom stall. He felt confused, on the verge of breaking down completely. He shut the door behind him, and rested his back against the chipped plastic door. Jaemin perhaps had set himself believing that he could never hurt him because he loved him.

 

Perhaps he believed that Jeno lied when he said he didn’t like him anymore. His wails were muffled by his palms which tightly enclosed his quivering lips, afraid of his cries escaping even for once. He wanted to come off as strong, putting on a facade that he was even wavered a bit. He was, indeed, a lot.

 

Renjun was just outside the washroom, his ear picking up every sobs of that person. He didn’t know who was there on the other side of the door, but still he felt the ache that the person was going through. He imagined if Jeno left Jaemin, would Jaemin be crying like that right then? He shrugged of the creeping feeling that caught hold of his fingertips, his hands that were drenched by the tap’s water and his eyes squeezed shut.

 

He sighed, not able to hold it inside an longer. He closed off the tap, rolling his eyes as the person that was left with him in that empty washroom started crying more, more painfully. For a small moment, the strained face of Haechan passed by his eyes, how much he was hurt during those days when he was just right outside his door.

 

It didn’t take much more hesitation as Renjun strutted towards the stall from where the sound was being exhibited. He raised his knuckles to knock against the door, but it stopped midair. His lips pursed into a strained line, as he let his arms retract by his side. Tightening his fingers into a fist, he muttered over the hiccuping sobs o f the other,

 

“It all will be alright before you know it.”

 

As he said it, he didn’t stand there any longer, he walked away far from the cries that the perosn emitted and the ones that lingered in his heart. It was sad, how he couldn’t believe how he mustered the courage to hurt people like that. He thought, it would be better if he told someone before his heart wrenched in any more pain of holding it in.

 

The one who was in his mind was only him :Haechan.

 

\---

 

Haechan called Mark up because he was waiting for him in the cafeteria. The once filled up, crowded cafeteria, seemed so lonely since there was no one familiar. The one he could laugh with, the one he could relate to and the one he loved; there were none. Their friendship was almost non-existent, Jaemin and Jeno were no longer together and Mark and him spent less and less time together. N that note, Mark didn’t receive his call.

 

Haechan thought about it for a while, when he couldn’t drift to slumber last night. What could he epithet the relationship he and Mark had? It was far from normal friendship as they both confessed they like each other. However it changed nothing. Nothing at all, sadly. They still argued usually, ate together and cracked the same jokes like they earlier. They were no extraordinarily difference in it and perhaps it made Haechan doubt if Mark only said out of kindness. Just because he felt bad for him. It made him wonder.

 

But sometimes, Mark did express his adoration for him. Through the left chocolate boxes, carrot cakes he bought sometimes and how he caressed his earlobes when they watched movie together. But it was all of friendship.

 

His trance was awakened when a voice disturbed him. When he looked up from the dirty green tables, he saw a flushed face of Renjun, staring hardly at him. He seemed troubled, for Haechan only furrowed his brows as he looked at him. Suddenly, the memories of that day washed over him: Jeno and Renjun talking together among the hustle of the streets.

 

He diverted hi sight else where, slowly rising up from his seat. He slung the bag on his shoulder as Renjun stood there watching. Renjun inched his hand hesitatingly, touching Haechan’s arms, who jolted but soon relaxed under his touch.

 

“I didn’t imagine you doing like that. You know,” Haechan craned his neck and looked at Renjun, face cold,”you were such a good friend of mine.”

 

Haechan removed the tightened grip off his hands. Renjun muttered something inaudible under his breath as he watched Haechan’s back disappearing among the concentrating crowd.

 

“I know why they broke up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> merry christmas! although it's christmas, i couldn't give you all much merrier chapter. but the epilogue will be a good christmas one! i did write a Christmas special oneshot surrounding mark (only), but it seemed personal so i decided not to upload it. but someday, i will. thank you. please spend a happy merry christmas with your family and friends!


	5. somehow everything seemed so you

Haechan didn’t go far, slowly walking along the road as he tried to understand what Renjun meant by that look of his. He knew Renjun had something to do with the whole breakup ordeal among Jaemin and Jeno. At first, his worries lessened by a small percentage since he knew there were break ups before among the two lovebirds. Most broke out with annoying arguments, cute banters and just anything.

But that time, it seemed serious, with neither of them talking or solving anything among them. It was let go, with Jaemin savoring the defeat and Jeno no where to be found. Mark didn’t worry much; waving it off and convincing that they would get back together. Haechan wanted to believe him but he couldn’t. He couldn’t shrug those sorrowful wrinkles on Jaemin’s faces when they talked and the mere absence of Jeno.

He figured that he would initiate a conversation with Mark once he reached home since it continued, they (the four friends) could might as well break up for good. Haechan’s phone buzzed inside his pocket, which he let rung for a good seconds. He rummaged his pockets, and slid the phone screen before he pressed it against his ears.

“Want to go out? I have a friend so we thought that we could all go for the subway downtown.” Mark said on the other line.

“Yes.” Haechan sighed. “I have something to tell you.”

“I guess it can wait?” There were some incoherent shuffles on the other line. “I have another class and after that I will pick you up, if you want. Don’t eat dinner by then.” 

“I can go by myself. I am quite hungry so I will opt for an ice-cream now. At 7 seems plausible enough?”

“Plausible enough.” Mark chuckled and phone went dead after that. Haechan did not go an ice-cream next but straight went for home. He quickly dressed up in thick sweaters since the cold came down pretty awful. Haechan wondered about the friend Mark was going to ring along with him and who he was but shrugged it off. He meant to call Jaemin but he didn’t. Mark came to the front porch, a huge grin plastered on his face despite telling him not to pick him up. Haechan felt his heart wrench before he went out to brave the horrifying cold and devour some sandwiches.  
Along the bus ride, Haechan broke into a conversation with Mark about the thing he wanted to tell him before.

“Mark, listen. The break up thing happening between Jaemin and Jeno is kind of getting out of hand. Don’t you think we should at least do something to get them back together?”

Mark smiled tautly before saying.

“See, if they love each other, they would know what is best for each other. Not us, who barely know anything about the deep relationship they have. Heck, they have been together for years now and they know what best fits them and what not. If Jeno thinks that break up was the best solution they could muster and be it. And now if Jaemin is not able to cope up with it, he will since he knows why Jeno did it that way and soon coax up to it. We can do nothing about what they feel.”

Haechan nodded, understanding the stance Mark had uttered his opinion of but still he couldn’t brush of the heavy burden off his chest. 

“I guess you are right. I am just being a worry wart.” 

“You are, really.” 

They stopped among the busiest streets with people crowding every spot on the roads. Mark held the hem of Haechan's sweater, to try not to lose the drooped shoulder boy among the thousands of people. Haechan darted his eyes around him as irked off civilians knocking him by his shoulder. Mark pulled Haechan a little close to his chest, while Mark’s arms crept around Haechan’s arm to hold him tightly. 

Haechan passed him a confused look which Mark ignored by a crane of his neck, pretending to look over the crowd of head to look for the restaurants. The latter only smiled, as he brushed off the hand from his wrist and silently wounded his fingers around the others, interlocking it tightly. Mark didn’t say anything and he never left the grip.

They reached the line of restaurants aligning the side of the road pretty late. The subway chain was illuminated brightly among the other contrasting bakeries and high-end eateries. Haechan spotted it first, so he nudged Mark on the stomach before Mark nodded.

When they inched closer, they could see a young boy leaning against the walls, hands buried deep in the pockets. He had a cigarette stuck between his lips, as he dragged some the smoke before blowing them into gray curls. Haechan felt the warm on his palm missing, as he looked sideways only to see Mark excitedly gesticulating to the boy with a wave. The boy only waved back, his loud cackling resonating close to Haechan’s eardrums. 

The boy strode close to them and then standing close to them. Haechan only exchanged looks between the boy and Mark, judging their interactions. They looked close, of course. Although, it irked off Haechan as they hugged even though Mark hated little of touches. The new guy also squeezed one of Mark’s cheeks but Mark only laughed in return, tip-toeing to do the same. Haechan furrowed his brows and scrutinized the tall 6ft boy towering over him.

The boy was a masculine handsome boy, seemingly the same age of Mark’s . He had black, short hair, which was slicked to the side with some glossy gel. He wore a biker-jacket over his shoulders, white shirt tucked inside the waist of skinny jeans. The leather skinny jeans expressed his thin, impressive height of his legs. Haechan somehow felt inferior under the intriguing impression of the boy. 

Mark had finally diverted his attention at his silent friend, who kept his eyes glued to the rough pavement. He smiled and pulled Haechan by his shoulder, which jolted Haechan from his stupor.  
The boy looked curiously at Haechan, with his eyes the size of the saucers, showcasing indirectly how his pupils glittered even at night. Haechan felt suffocated with envy, when he craned his neck to look at him in the eye.

Mark coughed his throat, to break the ice among them.

“This is my…” Mark trailed off, finding the right words, “roommate, Haechan.” Haechan sighed gravely under his breath. 

“Roommate, huh?” the boy chuckled deeply, “I thought he was committed with you. Like you held your hands tight there, like some tsunami is going to snatch your teddy away. “

“This is Lucas, a new Chinese student in my maths class. He’s…well nice.” Haechan nodded silently. Lucas leaned closer to Haechan face, his smoky stagnant breath caressing his frozen skin. Mark’s hold on his shoulder tightened a little.

“You are cute and single.” He said with a raspy tone, “ and…I am ready to mingle. I have a party coming up and do you care to join me?”

Haechan laughed at his face to which Lucas only pulled his face away. 

“Sure.” Haechan shrugged. Mark’s grip from his shoulder slipped away by his side weakly.

“I have too much time in my hands to miss someone like you. So when is the party coming up?”

“Nice. This Christmas.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm back! i kind of took a break from writing and spent a good new years celebrations. everyone, have a good new year of 2019. i'm planning to write more markhyuk stories for you, lengthy and short ones too while improving my writing. as sad as it is, mark graduated form nct dream but we must be happy since it will give so many new choices and chances for mark and all other dreamies. i will try to challenge nomin fanfictions too!!


	6. i couldn't be more in love with you

There was a knock on the door which left the work Jaemin was doing incomplete. He had been arranging small journals he had kept from the time he had joined high school, while he looked at those memories fondly. He thought of throwing those away for good since it took up too much space on his cupboard and those pictures stuffed among the pages were of no use then. He had to learn how to give up.

Jaemin opened the door, only to find Jeno standing there, with his hair dyed to a shade of black and adorning a white high-neck. There was no emotion on his visage, the wrinkles around his skin only seemed to be absent. Jaemin cleared his throat and diverted his eyes.

“Won’t you let me in?” Jeno asked as he leaned against the door’s ridges. Jaemin sighed; it had been weeks since he had last seen him. He pushed the door a little wider and moved to let Jeno past. Jeno didn’t move by him but instead inched a little closer to Jaemin figure. The latter only hung his head low. Jeno trailed his hand and grasp the others arms a little tighter and finally smiled, with a heave.

“I…”Jeno took a deep breath, “I am sorry. I acted rash but it was surely for our own good., I promise.”

Tear willed around Jaemin’s eye rims as he sniffed under his breath. He couldn’t gather the courage to face him yet so he didn’t. In between sobs he muttered with the small voice from the back of his throat, 

“What good came from our break up? I love you and you do too, don’t you?”

“i love you so much.” Jeno confessed and tried to look at Jaemin’s face. Jaemin only faced the other side in embarrassment and ignored the ministrations

“I am moving to China. My family is and I have to go with them too.” his grip tightened over his arms a little to relax the tensed muscles. 

“What do you mean? You are leaving me here, for what?” Jaemin shrugged off his arms and backed away, tears streaking down his face. Jeno inched forward but Jaemin only took a step backward, deniable to the future their relationship would become.

“That is what I’m trying to tell you…” Jeno said, tensing his shoulders and hinting a little curve of his lips,” I’m not leaving. I’m not leaving you here.” 

Jaemin didn’t understand what to believe by then. He couldn't believe the sunlight that was radiating on his visage, the glitters in his eyes while he stared back at him and the fact that he was not left alone anymore. The fact he was loved so much.

“I love you…so much.” Jaemin heaved as he broke into a smile. Jeno did too, as he opened his hands wide urging him to pull him into an embrace. The latter did, running to his arms as Jeno engulfed him in his chest. Resting his chin on the crown of Jaemin’s head, he muttered the same on the tousled hair.

They both opted for a coffee that Jaemin pestered Jeno to drink, convincing that it was a much tastier technique that he used to make such. 

“Hand drip?” Jeno raised his eyebrows, seeing paper filters sprawled around the kitchen ledge. 

“Yes. It was something I learned while you were gone. I did not even visit any where…” He presented the coffee cup towards Jeno while he wrapped his hands on to another ceramic cup. “like the cafes so I thought why not make some at home?”

“Good thinking..I guess.” Jeno sipped a little bit of the bitter drink, savoring it on his taste buds.

“I meant to ask you…what was the whole ordeal about cheating on me?” Jaemin plainly asked taking seat beside Jeno on the small couch he bought a few months ago.

“Oh…that.” Jeno rubbed his nape, embarrassed, “I…am bad at acting, really. To think you would believe in that.” He snorted but continued with a slight pat on his back, “I didn’t want you to know nor the others that I was leaving. Renjun had been like helping with the formalities and exchange stuff. He was a exchange student too.I wanted to break it up to all of you once everything was ready and set. But then yesterday, Renjun popped up and said that you didn’t deserve it at all. So I thought about it a lot... and found out I loved you a lot to leave you alone.” He took a deep breath, “I told my parents…and they were not at all happy about it. They took away my flat, some of my money and left me to rot. With you.”

“So…” Jaemin was on the edge, expecting what Jeno was to say next.

“On that note, I am here to stay here with you. I’m moving in, if you want me in, that is.” Jeno looked expectantly at Jaemin, who was deep in thoughts. Jeno poked his arms a little and Jaemin was jolted from his thoughts. 

“Huh? I need time to think.” 

Jeno contorted his face, and tightened his lips into a straight line.

“I guess you can stay.” Jaemin said, with a mere expression painted on his face.

“A second to think is fine?” 

“It’s fine. You can stay unless you bring in some kitties to add every week.I can’t afford them.” Jaemin shrugged and stood to place his cup on the island. He turned on his shoes and stared back with a creepy smile under his breath. 

“Time for cuddles!!” He ran and plopped on top of Jeno and smiled widely. They both cackled while Jeno muttered some protests, pretending to push him off.

“The coffee will spill, idiot!” He placed the coffee cup on floor board before wounding his arms around Jaemin’s waist, pulling it in. He chastely kissed Jaemin on the cheeks, before reflecting the same look Jaemin had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> only one chapter left!


	7. the way you look at me, don't you realize?

Mark had been gone to submit their orders and bring them in the table, voluntarily. Lucas and Haechan were drowned into an awkwardness, different of how they were acting some minutes before. They wanted to say something, but closed their gaped mouth as soon as that.

“So…there is something in between you both or I am assuming something totally baseless?” Lucas muttered a little later, chewing on to a straw he bought form the nearest convenient ledge of sauces.

“There is something complicated, so not completely baseless.” Haechan waved it off with gesture of his hands before knitting his fingers on the table.

“Figured.” Lucas shrugged. “Can’t believe Mark caught dips on a cute guy like you, huh.” 

“I can’t believe either that I love him, really.” Haechan stared at the said person’s back, as he rested his face on his palms. He sighed rather deeply, before turning his face to look at Lucas. “He’s stupid.” 

“He kind of is…he can’t even answer the simplest answers that the professor asks. But then suddenly his grades soars on the result card and I’m like…” Lucas imitated a morphed face, wrinkling his mouth agape and eyes excessively opened wide.

Haechan laughed out aloud, gaining some snickers from the high-teenagers sitting beside him and some sleep deprived college students.

“Well…”Haechan shrugged, “ He is cute and intelligent so I am really lucky to score him. He’s nice and friendly too. But just a little bit of shy, I think.”

Lucas curved his lips before sighing gravely. He trailed his gaze following Haechan’s which landed on Mark, confused over what menu he could possibly order. The set A seemed nice and expensive but set B sounded a lot of calories but on a lower price. 

“Mark looks confused.” Lucas chuckled. He looked at Haechan who might have not heard what Lucas had just said, as he continued staring at the others back fondly. It made Lucas smile a little, unconsciously. 

“Haechan.” Lucas poked his arms quite a few times to break him a way from his trance. Haechan pretended he never did gaze at Mark, pulling an impassive emotion on his face. 

“Oh, Lucas. You had been saying?”

“Nothing. Just...” Lucas shrugged, “I…can’t hang around with you on the Christmas party. You can as well as just spend your time with who you want.”

“Hold that note. Just go along that Christmas thing for a little longer, okay?” Haechan said as he noticed Mark coming their way with trays of what seemed set B. As health concerned Mark looked, he was a bit Scrooge like too. He did not want to spend a money on useless interests, which included eating except his bag of crisps (which he would not admit). 

“Set B..for all of you.” Mark announced tiredly before taking a seat beside Lucas although the chair beside Haechan was kept empty. Haechan did not let the disappointment take over his facade, as he took one burger on his hands silently. He munched on the bread, with no particular expression on how delicious it was. Mark found it weird, to watch Haechan eat silently since usually he would spitting hums and weird sound about how delicious the food was.

Lucas saw them both, Mark glancing at Haechan ever so subtly and Haechan trying trying to ignore those eyes. Lucas felt a little out of the group so he excuse himself from the group to the washroom. He came a little while after. He had spent an efficient five minutes, inspecting his face and washing his hands relatively. Lucas took a seat beside Haechan, deliberately and threw his arms over the latter’s shoulders. Lucas detected how Mark raised his eyebrows, on the sudden closeness of the two.

“You two are suddenly close?” Mark said, his voice muffled by the bread he had been chewing on. Haechan didn’t eat anymore, only left the half unwrapped burger on the tray and whispered something beside Lucas’s earlobes.

“Just pretend that we have things in common. It will get to him since we have none.”

“Yeah..”Lucas suddenly hollered, not failing to earn some attention from the neighbouring tables, before laughing it off nervously, “Haechan and I both found out we like those fiery rings you get in cheap convenience stores. “

“Haechan doesn’t like crisps at all or anything that comes in foil packets. Did you suddenly start munching on them, Haechan?” Mark simply said, furrowing his brows at the sudden weird outburst of Lucas. Lucas only snuggled a little closer to Haechan’s side, squeezing Haechan’s shoulder, to let him to play along.

“Well, you live with me so you tell me. But…yes…I kind of liked it when I bought some that day.” Haechan commented.

“That is a surprise.” Mark was sincerely taken aback as he put his burger down on the tray. “Never thought you could suddenly start eating them. You didn’t even tell me.” His tone was a bit disappointed but Haechan didn’t sympathize. Even though, he really felt a bit hurt, playing with Mark like that.

“This was no headlines, Mark. And, for a change, Lucas here really likes Suits. You think it is stupid. What about now?”Haechan looked at Lucas who looked just as confused as Mark kind of was. He didn’t want Mark catching on, so he pinched Lucas’s side with his free hand.

“Lucas doesn’t watch TV, as far as I am informed. He has those shooting games he plays around all day.” Mark said, looking at both of them with slit-eyes.

“What are you both cooking?” was what Mark wanted to say but he didn’t. He only tilted his head towards the exit, and gestured Haechan to come outside with him. “I think we are going late…Lucas. Meet you on Tuesday at Mr.Lee’s.”

“It is not even 10, Mark.” Haechan quipped midway but Mark didn’t even share a glance at him. Lucas reluctantly removed his hand from Haechan’s shoulder.

“Okay.” Lucas looked at Haechan who stood up form the worn-out vinyl seat. “You can call me for the Christmas party. I’ll be expecting.”

“No.” Mark pulled Haechan by his side, gripping on the sweater’s hem tight, “He is not going to go. My boyfriend is not going to go.”  
Haechan felt dumbfounded, so did Lucas with the sudden confession that Mark spat at his face. He looked angered with his tensed raised shoulders, and crimson creeping on his cheeks. Haechan idly stared at his face, almost not realizing he was pulled outside right in front of the half-lit neon sign of the fast food restaurant.

“Okay, Haechan.” Mark placed his hands on his waist and licked his lips, “It is like a rule that you don’t flirt with other boys right in front of your boyfriend. Okay, I get that you are trying to make me jealous and what not but were you really thinking about going on a date with Lucas?”

Haechan frowned. Like it is all his fault. 

“Mark! I was dying in frustration that you didn’t name our relationship anything. I am a roommate, friend and anything except your boyfriend. You buy me lovey-dovey stuff but you do not confront whenever-” 

There was a small kiss on his forehead, that halted everything he had been wanting to say. The frustration, the love he had for him, everything stopped for him.

“Hey…” Mark whispered against his forehead, his hands curled against Haechan’s nape, “When I said I liked you that winter day, I meant it.” Mark removed his lips from his forehead, and pulled in front of his face, “When I said that, you were already my boyfriend. Its my fault that I am shy to say it to everyone and you have the right to punch me anywhere. I promise I will announce proudly that this guy…” Mark pointed at Haechan’s chest with his other hand, “right here, is my boyfriend.”

Haechan couldn’t help but break into a grin. 

“You are being awfully over the top. But I like it. I like it a lot.” Haechan confessed.

“So, home, boyfriend?” Mark said, wrapping his arms around Haechan’s shoulder, walking alongside.

“Home, Mark.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was supposed to be added with the 5th chapter, but i thought to write it separately. the story is finished and will not have any more sequel in plan. what i tried to say with this story is that, the one you love, no matter how far they are or how you feel that person doesn't understand you, they are your home. the one you will always return to at the end of the day. you, too, are their home. so, be patient, and it will all come to you. 
> 
> i know the chapters rather escalated quickly but i didn't want to drag it too long. they all love each other, so i thought i don't want to end it in bad terms. 
> 
> i am though planning on writing cute oneshots about the two ships when i am done with my other project. so thank you all for reading and i will pop up another day. bye.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a sequel to my previous fanfic, "don't leave in the dark", you can read that before you jump on this one. However, this also can be read as a standalone! Thank you~


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